Tuesday, December 04, 2007

suicide safety smocks

Okay, so this CNN article made me google "suicide safety smocks."

And I found something incredible.

My first question is about the models. Did they coax actual deranged inmates into modeling these garments, or did they go through headshots, et cetera, and tell the guy not to wash his hair for a couple of weeks?

Some quotes:
* Safety: All of the products from Ferguson Safety are specifically designed to keep problem inmates from hurting themselves and creating more headaches for you and your colleagues.
* Security: Ferguson’s Original Safety Smock is designed to allow placement and removal of restraints, handcuffs and shackles.
* Savings: Ferguson products last years longer and are considerably more tear resistant than cheap knock-offs -- saving you replacement costs, staff time, and lowering your liability by preventing wrongful death lawsuits
Good deal.

From the FAQ:
Q1: Can't they take the smock off?
A: Yes. It's not designed to prevent exhibitionism. It's for people who wish to be clothed, which is the majority of suicidal inmates. We have given some thought to an anti-exhibitionist garment but haven't come up with a safe design. Would you let us know if you have any ideas?
Uh. Yeah, I'm thinking most inmates in general would prefer to wear clothing, which evidently has not always been an option for the suicidal:
While working at the jail a bulky gown was used to clothe their suicidal inmates. She learned that the only way that facilities could get such a garment was to make their own, and so inmates on suicide watch were often kept completely naked.
That would improve my will to live real fast. Man, wouldn't it be cold? Did they get blankets, or were those potentially something you could hang yourself with? Did they keep the cells well-heated then? Man.
Q3: Are they indestructible?
A: Have you heard about the Wisconsin inmate who tore through walls with his bare hands to pull out the wiring? How about the Wyoming inmate who bent a solid steel door in half? These actual events indicate how imprudent it would be to call anything made of fabric "indestructible". Our blankets and smocks are made of the strongest wearable, washable fabric available.

Q7: May we examine one?
A: By all means. We're happy to send you a smock or blanket to examine with no obligation (except to send it back if you don't buy it, of course).
Should I order one? I am thinking the orange is snazzier-looking.

Holy shit.

5 comments:

hpatton said...

Check out Amazon. You can buy a nice green one for $249 and have it delivered by Friday!

Lisa said...

Ha! I was just googling suicide safety smocks after reading the same CNN article when I came across your blog. I, too, was wondering about the models. I mean, on one hand, it's not really your typical outfit to model, but on the other, couldn't they have found someone less deranged looking than that guy?? Too funny.

Scott said...

Heh, googling that term...wait, what Lisa just said.

I think the deranged look helps emphasize...YES! THIS IS THE PRODUCT FOR ME!

Kelly said...

I also found your blog by googling "suicide safety smocks" after reading the same article on CNN!

David said...

Just for the record, all suicidal people have long hair and look disheveled. Didn't you know?!